It’s the day so many have been waiting for: the premiere of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. I didn’t attend a midnight showing, and I certainly didn’t stand in line for days beforehand. I’m excited, though I’m guarding my optimism considering the last two, ahem, efforts. I did purchase tickets for my wife and I to see it on Saturday night, because yes, I did want to see it at least this weekend.

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The sheer commercialization of it all, however, has provoked an emotional reaction from me which began as bemusement and has now ranged into disgust. It’s not exactly as if the film needs publicizing. But we have not only been exposed to a barrage of ads on television and in every other medium, but you can’t shop anywhere without noticing the endless cross-merchandizing; Pepsi, Frito-Lay, M&M’s, Cheez-Its, Burger King (which, ironically enough, serves the fountain products of Pepsi’s competitor). Perhaps I’m more sensitive to it working at Target, but geesh…

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And then there’s the commercials. Look, I saw The Empire Strikes Back in the theater at the age of six, and was so scared by Darth Vader that my mom had to take me out. I’ll admit it; I was six, OK? Which made me reticent to sleep on the Star Wars bedsheets she had bought me. (No one said that universe of merchandise only began in recent years). But that was kind of the point; he was supposed to be scary. He’s a tall, dark, menacing, monstrous figure who terrorizes all around him with not only his overwhelming aura, but the fact that he can kill you just by thinking it.

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Over the years, icons of pop culture like D.V. tend to become institutionalized into our collective consciousness, and at this point they always run the risk of becoming parodies of themselves. The prime example that comes to mind is from the other world-famous space-opera continuum, Star Trek: Captain James T. Kirk. Almost 40 years after the series first aired on television, it’s now impossible to separate this character from the actor who portrayed him, William Shatner. Kirk consistently acted and spoke with the melodramatic intonations and pregnant pauses that can only be characterized as Shatner-esque histrionics. Consequently, the character not only became an institution, but easy fodder for sketch comedy from Saturday Night Live (including an infamous appearance by Bill himself in which he told people to “get a life”) to In Living Color (where he was portrayed by a not-yet-gazillionaire Jim Carrey).�

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Now, that’s exactly what D.V. has become: a self-parodizing shill for advertising. We have Vader Force-choking an M&M. We have Vader hitting up 7-11 for his Slurpee fix. We have Vader in a stare/breathe-down with The Burger King. Which I thought was the absolute worst, until I was cursed to see the other BK commercial wherein he tries to get in the guy’s door to get his Whopper on by using lines not unlike those from the intentional parody, Spaceballs, a lá “I am your father’s second cousin’s former roommate.” Don’t even get me started on The Burger King himself. That dude is creepy. Now, if Vader had choked him out, or lopped off his flamebroil-lovin’ mug Highlander-style, that would have been a great commercial!

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My point is, how am I supposed to take the Dark Lord of the Sith (by the way, the “Sith Happens” promo wasn’t much better) and his tragic story seriously after all this malarkey? If the directors/producers/creators of an epic media event do want us to take the story they’re selling us seriously, I don’t think this is the way you should go about promoting it. Can you imagine Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema promoting the Lord of the Rings this way? Would the third episode of that series have been hyped with Aragorn facing off with His “Have It Your Way” Highness in The Return of the Burger King? Perhaps Gollum could visit 7-11 for a sushi-flavored Slurpee. Or the hobbits could gleefully guzzle down Pepsi and ask, “Does it come in pints?”

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Anyone out there who surfs eBay, please do a search for “soul of George Lucas.” I think he sold it to sponsors.